Day I See You Again
Songwriter Steve Hillier
Date Written March 1995
Place Written Jesmond, Newcastle Upon Tyne & RAK Studios, London
Released When October 1995
Originally Sung By Sarah Blackwood
Features Roland S-760
Spotify Link
“If the man you’ve grown to be’s more Morrison than Morrissey…”This lyric went down well in the music press of the mid 90s. I’m not sure how it would go down if I’d presented it to them in 2020.
Day I See You Again, which really should start with a ‘The’, is the last song to be written for Disgraceful, and another example of a melody that had been hanging around in my head for years before being incorporated into a song for Dubstar. Like so many others, this was written in 3/4 time and changed to 4/4 for the album. It was conceived as a Viennese Waltz, as you can hear in my piano version (replete with the original middle eight section…I think I prefer what we did for the album but thought it would be interesting to include here). On the Disgraceful version you can still hear the triplet rhythm in the vocal performance, with Sarah sounding slightly unsure of where the beats are supposed to fall, especially in the first two verses. This undoubtedly adds to the charm of the released version, a vulnerability that resonates with the emotional centre of the song.
The lyric recounts a real situation. I’d met my ex-girlfriend at London’s Royal Festival Hall during the first recording session for Disgraceful in early 1995. The situation was gently tense, like a scene from a rom-com, so on returning to RAK studios I wrote how I felt, a lyric that said what I wanted to say but hadn’t. Earlier in these sessions, Graeme Robinson had told me that there were two types of Steve Hillier songs, the jolly ones you could dance to and the daggers through the heart. Day I See You Again is definitely the latter, the hope and the fear as the blade pierces your chest for the final time.
Stars and Day I See You Again are my most successful songs from this era, a superb opening statement of intent from a new writer, a new act. And this is the only Dubstar song where neither I nor Chris appear! If I recall correctly Sarah did a vocal session with Graeme Robinson and Jon Kirby in Darlington where they’d put together a new arrangement of my song and played it to Food Records without our knowledge. The record company loved it so much there was no chance we could go back to my original orchestral arrangement (some of it does remain though, such as the brass and pizzicato strings). We had no choice but to go with theirs, and although that was probably for the best…
I can’t imagine I’d be so relaxed about an arrangement of mine being nearly totally removed today. At least I’d written it and Sarah sang it, so it still qualifies as Dubstar.
INSIDE OUTLINES, the first collection of solo piano pieces by Stephen Hillier is out now:
Ghost
Written by Steve Hillier
Date Written January 1997
Place Written Real World Studios, Box, Somerset
Released When July 1997
Originally Sung By Sarah Blackwood
Features Roland S-760, EMU Drumulator
Spotify Link
“Who could understand me now you’re gone?”The last song that was written for Goodbye and completed in the producer’s cottage at Real World studios. The demo was recorded in the eaves onto a Roland VS-880 hard disk recorder. That version is lost to time, I’ve no idea where it went, and I really have looked for it. But I do know that Sarah cried when she sang it. I thought that was a good thing.
When we played the comeback show in London in 2013, Sarah hadn’t been able to get through the rehearsals without crying so I told her that rather than being flattered that I’d written a song about us splitting up, my ex-girlfried had told me she was annoyed (see also Say The Worst Thing First). I was stunned, it’s such a nice song, what could the problem be? I understand completely now. This was my side of the story, my sorrow put out there with no opportunity for her to comment. I had a platform for my sadness and there was none available to her. I know I’d be annoyed if the tables were turned.
‘Ghost’ is the seminal Dubstar song, and like Song No.9 it has everything that was good about the act. Maybe Ghost is the major key sibling to 9’s minor key? Sarah sang it beautifully and hearing Stephen Hague’s finished mix in the enormous main room at Real World was an incredible moment. Heartbroken lyric, simple drum machine beat, chiming guitars, modal borrowing in the chord sequence and written in a major key. Perfect.
INSIDE OUTLINES, the first collection of solo piano pieces by Stephen Hillier is out now:
Just A Girl
Written by Sarah Blackwood, Steve Hillier & Chris Wilkie
Date Written April 1984 & March 1994
Place Written Welling, London, Jesmond & Benton, Newcastle Upon Tyne
Released When October 1995
Originally Sung By Sarah Blackwood
Features Roland S-760, Yamaha TX81z, Korg Mono/Poly
Spotify Link
“I’m a person who thinks, but you hope I’ll forget if you ply me with drink”Just A Girl is a combination of a melody and chord sequence I’d written for my O’Level music exam and a poem from Sarah’s poetry book, some ten years between them. It works superbly, a defining Dubstar moment. Just A Girl was pivotal for us, the song where it was obvious that Dubstar wasn’t just another pop act, but something more considered. More intelligent maybe? The journalists loved it, so did the fans, and coming after Anywhere on Disgraceful, it was one of those nice moments when you discover an act can do something else, they’re not just about the singles.
I’m particularly proud of the arrangement. Of all the early Dubstar recordings, I think it’s Just A Girl that exhibits my passion for the Cocteau Twins most obviously. Some have pointed out that it bears more than a passing resemblance to ‘Monochrome’ by Lush. Purely accidental of course, although both Chris and I adored their Mad Love EP (and are friendly with Emma Anderson. I produced an early version of Lush’s comeback single Out of Control). I enjoy the fact that this song feels almost perfectly ‘of its time’, it’s a reflection of the music and acts on 4AD that Chris and I had obsessed over.
For some reason I thought it would be a clever to include funk breakbeat samples in a song written in 6/8. You can hear them most clearly at the end during the fade out. Daft really, but it was the 90s so I’m forgiven.
When I was playing Just A Girl on the piano last night, I realised that of all the Dubstar songs, this one is the defining moment for Sarah as a personality. It struck me as I was working out what to play that this is not the kind of melody I write, these are not my words…sure, the synth parts and the semi-chromatic chord sequence came from me, but ultimately this song is Sarah’s. I don’t think it would work if it wasn’t for her topline, it would be too ornate, even retro sounding. Another happy accident from 1994.
INSIDE OUTLINES, the first collection of solo piano pieces by Stephen Hillier is out now:
Swansong
Written by Steve Hillier
Date written February 1999
Place written Hove, Sussex
Released When August 2000
Originally Sung By Sarah Blackwood
Features Roland S-760, Roland VG-8
Spotify Link
“Those were the days my friend, we thought they’d never end” Mary Hopkins, Those Were The Days And so we arrive at Swansong, the final song Dubstar would officially release on an album. This is the sound of the end, two people who despise each other and will separate forever. It’s spiteful, it’s bitter, and it’s exactly what I wanted say. This was the last act of an act that began as a stoned daydream to become a 4AD records artist… but instead had taken three people around the world on a crazy and rather wonderful escapade. Not a bad swap really.
And with a farewell reference to the 4AD dream, there’s a nod to the Cocteau Twins as this song fades out. I had to get this in, they were the reason Dubstar existed.
Swansong features a wall of guitar from Chris right at the very end. We created this by him playing the same part in various places on the neck of his Fender and using the Roland VG-8 to ‘retune’ his strings. Sounds tremendous, and we returned to this idea a couple of times on the United State of Being sessions too.
INSIDE OUTLINES, the first collection of solo piano pieces by Stephen Hillier is out now:
Disgraceful
Written by Steve Hillier
Date Written September 1992
Place Written Gosforth, Newcastle Upon Tyne
Released When October 1995
Originally Sung By Steve Hillier
Features Roland S-760, Yamaha DX100
Spotify Link
“Two people still looking for something else” The things you shouldn’t do when love breaks down, but do just the same.
Disgraceful featured on The Joans cassette Gear, and is another song that was straightened from 6/8 to 4/4 for the first Dubstar album. You can hear the original 6/8 version straining through the first few bars before Sarah sings. It’s been pointed out that this song has more than a passing resemblance to Bizet’s ‘Carmen’. This was not intentional I promise, but I’ll take it. It’s a French thing…
I moved from Jesmond to Windsor Terrace, South Gosforth for a brief period in 1992 following the end of my relationship (a different one), and shared a house with two freshly divorced strangers more than twice my age. One of the men I only saw on a couple of occasions which led me to speculate that either he was getting back with his ex or was an undercover police officer. The other chap let me know he hated my music. To be fair to him, I was playing a lot of Hoover Sound Techno, an acquired taste at the best of times. Unsurprisingly this was one of the most miserable times of my life and led to the writing of many songs. Disgraceful was one and encapsulates that moment of ‘Hey! You there… Let’s do a selection of things we’ll regret’. My favourite line in the lyric, on the entire debut album is ‘imagine us now, talking tomorrow’. I like the way it plays with language and leaves the debauchery to the imagination.
The time signature change which featured in the original version of this song was inspired by this beautiful song by Kitchens of Distinction. Their album Death of Cool got me through this miserable autumn and remains one of my all time favourites. I had the privilege of seeing the band play at Middlesbrough Arena that year and loved every ear-splitteringly loud moment of it. Of all the bands I followed in the 90s, it’s these guys I truly believe should have achieved more recognition if for no reason than Patrick Fitzgerald’s lyrics are outstanding. And the walls of guitars. The drums are great too.
The main beat in the Disgraceful album version comes from a sample CD by Norman Cook called ‘Skip To My Loops’. He was present at the second Dubstar show in Brighton at The Pavilion and I have no idea what he made of us. After the first song my Brighton friends, of which there were around twelve in the audience, put on cutout Steve Hillier photo-masks and starting dancing around like lunatics. Sarah burst out laughing, any sense of artistic mystique was lost, and the first of many questionable Dubstar gigs descended into befuddled bemusement. Quite a moment, sorry Norm.
Goodbye To You was originally to be the closer on the first album, but due to a cock-up on my part Disgraceful took its place. The album is much better for it.
INSIDE OUTLINES, the first collection of solo piano pieces by Stephen Hillier is out now:
When The World Knows Your Name
The writer's notes for When The World Knows Your Name, an album track recorded by Dubstar in 1998. Includes a new piano version by Stephen Hillier
Written by Steve Hillier
Date Written AUGUST 1998
Place Written Hove, East Sussex
Released When JUNE 2000
Originally Sung By Sarah Blackwood
Features Roland S-760
Spotify Link
“Let’s make the memories that dreamers only claim”I was acutely aware that every new friend I was making in Brighton in 1998 either knew nothing about me at all, or that I was regularly on the TV with my pop act. An odd situation, hence the title.
‘When The World Knows Your Name’ was inspired by walking with a friend down Lansdowne Place in Hove to VAT’s bar, a dingy and fantastic late night drinking den under the Star of Brunswick pub (now long gone, but next to BIMM where I teach songwriting). The song is ‘what if?’, like when Mark Corrigan in Peep Show meets someone new and wonders ‘what if you’re the one?’ in nearly every episode. What if we, you and me, got together? What if we got together tonight? What if we did all those things that we’d talked about…right now? But the song is the realisation that it’s not going to happen, the disappointment and acceptance. Sometimes the thought of what you could have done is better than the memory of what you actually did.
There are two released versions of this song, one recorded at the Arts Centre with Spike and the demo, recorded in one take back at my flat during the Make It Better demo sessions. I’m not a fan of the version on the album so when EMI released a best of Dubstar I insisted they used the demo instead. They happily agreed, so when you want to hear the vocal version this is the version to play. Sarah sings the song perfectly and in one take, a fact that I hope she’s proud of.
INSIDE OUTLINES, the first collection of solo piano pieces by Stephen Hillier is out now:
Say The Worst Thing First
Written by Steve Hillier
Date Written September 1996
Place Written Arts Centre, Newcastle Upon Tyne
Released When July 1997
Originally Sung By Sarah Blackwood
Features Roland S-760, Roland JD-800
Spotify Link
“…my words were knives that broke our lives”I broke up with my girlfriend after Dubstar headlined the NME tent at Reading Festival in 1996. I spent the next day wandering around Pink Lane, alternating between the The Forth Hotel bar and our studio in the Arts Centre trying to work out what on earth I was going to do next (a familiar feeling). On that long day drinking Guinness in the Forth Hotel I made a decision. Inspired by Ewan McGregor’s monologue in Trainspotting, I decided I would choose life… I chose to be happy rather than be a suffering artist. I chose that I wouldn’t feel this bereft, that I was such failure at relationships ever again. Next time would be the right time, next time would be the last time.
But like St Augustine before me, I had to do a little more suffering and drinking first.
I hadn’t appreciated until many years later how privileged I’d been at this moment. A broken hearted songwriter splits from long term partner and gets to metaphorically open his heart in songs that will be heard by thousands of people across the world. There are worse ways to recover from the end of a relationship, but few more self indulgent. I don’t regret writing this song, but I know I couldn’t write something like this now. It’s profoundly unfair. It overlooks the other person’s position in the situation in order to express just one person’s hurt.
So I wouldn’t be comfortable doing this in 2020, but I am torn. Isn’t this self indulgence exactly how artists have behaved down the ages, landing themselves in the middle of a situation involving loved ones…and then telling their own audience how they feel about it? I suppose a writer has to decide what’s more important, their art or their life. I chose the latter.
I love everything about this song except the version on Goodbye. I had too many things going on in the arrangement, like a collision of a hundred ideas for what should have been a stripped back ‘dagger through the heart’ Dubstar song. Still, the bridge with the instrumental mandolins, a reference to For Ever and Ever by Demis Roussos is my favourite moment on the whole album.
INSIDE OUTLINES, the first collection of solo piano pieces by Stephen Hillier is out now:
The View From Here
Songwriter Stephen Hillier
Date Written February 1996
Place Written Wolverhampton Town Hall
Released When June 1996
Originally Sung By Sarah Blackwood
Features Roland S-760, Roland JD-800
Spotify Link
“…I was lost a long time”It was during the third Dubstar UK tour, just after Manic came out. Things were truly exciting. I was standing behind my keyboard setup waiting for Paul (Wadsworth, our drummer), Chris and Sarah to show up for the sound check. I played some chords on the JD-800 using a string sound that I’d modelled on the Polymoog Vox Humana that’s all over Gary Numan’s Pleasure Principle album. I was struck by the size of the room we’d sold out, how hundreds had paid money to come and see a band who’d played only a handful of shows. The opening melody just appeared out of nowhere…and it all made sense, look at the view from here, this was not just the next step, it was real. It’s a theme I’ve returned to regularly, the idea of facing the future, like the Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog by Caspar David Friedrich.
INSIDE OUTLINES, the first collection of solo piano pieces by Stephen Hillier is out now
